


The breakup song

by AvaDiablo



Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Doing What Needs To Be Done, M/M, letting go
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-01
Updated: 2017-07-01
Packaged: 2018-11-22 00:52:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11369154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AvaDiablo/pseuds/AvaDiablo
Summary: Breaking up is hard.





	The breakup song

Jun doesn't want it. Doesn't want to say it, but it needs to be done. One look at how miserable Sho looks right now, he will willingly be the 'bad guy' if that's required. 

Sho swallows seeing the resolve in Jun's eyes return. The tears behind the resolve. It breaks his heart all over again. Because they were good from the start, but never just 'got it right'. 

But he doesn't want the words. Doesn't want to hear it. Doesn't want them spoken, not by him, not by Jun. He does the next best thing his sad, little, warped mind can come up with, reaches out to Jun and covers his mouth with his to stop the words from forming and his ears from hearing them.

Their kiss is bitter sweet and salty to the taste. Sho’s moist, tear-stricken lips meet Jun’s in an open mouthed kiss, their tongues meet with an unknown heat born out of despair, a frenzy that speaks more than their words will ever do. Because they belong together. They can feel it, they know it. And they know it can’t last. They hold each other close, seemingly reluctant to let go. Jun’s hand disappear in his hair, while Sho’s roam and hold tightly onto Jun’s back and clothes. 

Sho’s afraid. Afraid that this might steel Jun’s resolve. Or maybe he just indulges Sho’s inability to face the cold hard truth and goes along with it just for the heck of it. Sho doesn’t know his intentions as Jun answers the slow desperate kiss. But to Sho Jun has always been many things and cold has never been one of them.

It’s the beginning of the end. Jun knows it. They both know. And in this moment they both are clinging to each other. Kissing, longing, hungering, keeping them close. A last attempt to regain something that was lost, to find anything that can save them. Anything that will make it easier, or that can make this all go away. Because once they let go there will be nothing left. Or so it feels. The dread fills their minds, the anguish and misery feeding the frightful reality that awaits them. Sho doesn’t want to let go and holds on with all his might. The feeling of his heart pounding sorely against his ribs. It knows. 

There wasn’t a particular reason. There isn’t any reason. It just is. But that doesn’t mean that it didn’t mean anything to them. It meant to world to them, just them. Jun breathes, breaking away for Sho’s lips, keeping his forehead pressed to Sho’s, keeping his eyes closed, staying connected and breathing in the scent he loves so much. Partly Sho, partly his cologne which he hasn’t changed in years. He keeps his hands entwined in Sho’s hair, entwined with each other, afraid to let him go. His resolve is crumbling. He needs to do this, his hands tightening. He doesn’t want to, but he needs to. And he’s wavering feeling distraught by Sho’s appearance, who always keeps his emotions in check unless they are alone. The sight of him breaking is more than he can stand. He doesn’t want to, he just knows that Sho will never say it.

But it has to happen. And someone needs to say the words. Or maybe just one day? Sho’s eyes beg, which is the reason Jun keeps his closed. Remembering the way things were, while Sho sees him in this moment. The end is coming, he can feel it in the way Jun regains some of his courage, the swallow. He wants to say no, wants to say stop, don’t. The words won’t form, just the tears and the quiet sob draws Jun from his memory of their last picnic under the stars. 

He heaves a sigh, staring into the forming wetness and sorrow in Sho’s eyes. And what he needs to say won’t even form in his mind anymore. Another sigh, ending in a hollow ridiculed laugh, the sound of it infinitely sad, a dose of laced mockery addressed to his inability to do the right thing. His smile apologetic seared with grief.

It’s hard. The hardest thing he has to do. The hardest thing they have to face. And Sho’s gaze, the relentless bite his teeth has on his bottom lip, it just screams at him to stay together for one more day. Just one more day to stop his heart from breaking for real, preferring the hanging doom to the certainty of knowing. 

But the ‘one more day’ was yesterday. It was the day before that, and the one before that. Always one more day of not giving up. They are crying the both of them, hands around their shoulders, around their neck, gripping tightly, not wanting to let go. Jun hears the pleas in the quiet sobs, feels them coursing through his body as it shakes and he swallows.

Another hollow sob, ending in another hollow laugh. He tries to smile, keeping their foreheads pressed together, hoping that Sho knows how much this hurts him, them. The words he has to say have to be the most painful ones in their history.

“I want to break up.”


End file.
